Spokes Of A Wheel

Āśā- The Hindi Word For Hope.

And yet after all this
I find the strength to pray
I find it in me to love
Beyond measures, beyond words

After all this, you remain to be
All in one piece, yet all broken
Carefully placed in my hands
Hands that bleed and weep.

After all this, you breathe
Making me believe in God
For only he is capable
Only he could’ve made you.

So perfect, so pristine, so divine
Bringing fragrances wild
Bringing madness, bringing quiet
All at once, all for me.

Oh, I am scared of you
Scared of your madness
And I am scared of the quiet
And I shiver like a cur

My heart sees you
But my mind sees only me
It warns me, again and again
To stay away from you

It tell me to protect myself
Begs me not to make the same mistakes
Mistakes repeated are decisions they say
And yet my heart flutters around

Showing me dreams, giving me Āśā
And I succumb, yet again
Oh dear, dear me
I am doomed, I know

And yet after all this, I find love
Of immense proportions, seamless as it may
I find it in me to love
Beyond measures, beyond words

Spokes Of A Wheel

So here it is, the first poem in the series.

Génni̱si̱- The Greek Word For Birth

Parched, thirsty lands surrounded me
Filled with cracks and crevices
Dry, hot winds howled all around
Raising a storm of dust

There I lay comfortably
Only a seed, in hibernation
Hoping against hope
Hoping to not exist

As I lay there, I heard something
Somebody walking into this landscape
Walking towards me, waking me up
Oh, I resisted, with all my will

But he took a shovel
And started digging, digging into the soil
Digging into my existence
Hard metal against hardened land

And off flew the soil
All let loose, made fertile
So that I could grow
So that I could heal and be born again

But oh, but only soil is not enough
I needed the rain too
I smiled inwardly in relief
But he decided to pray

Pray for rain, pray for a little shower
And then came the rains
Fed my soul, those little drops of words
And Gennisi, I was born

Against all odds, against my wishes
I decided to hope again
I decided to love again
I decided to take birth.

Spokes Of A Wheel.

So I have decided to write again. After a long time. Just stepping out of a depressive illness and I think I need to write to express the things I have been feeling.

So here is a series of poems called “Spokes Of A Wheel”. It is going to be a story told in the form of poetry. And I hope you people love it.

Filling my first Case Sheet up :)

The Waiting Room

Hello!

The title is not deceiving at all. Write enough, and for long enough, then eventually, writing really becomes filling up a lot of maverick letters that come with astonishing mood swings. I don’t know the joys or sorrows of synaesthesia, but my letter M sure looks like a balding man at times, (somehow I always tend to associate hypertrichosis pinna with this mental imagery too) and a ravishing, well dressed, hat-donning gentleman with a carved cane in another.

And today, upon a chance visit to the Eclampsia Ward in the Obstetrics Dept. of the hospital, my friend and I were in for a little duty, like an affectionate peck on the cheek. Our job? Talk to the patient, elicit an accurate history, and fill up the case sheet accordingly.

And when adventure beckons, can we possibly be left behind? Especially when you know you can come back and spin…

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Yin and Yang.

So much chaos, so much confusion
Where’s the calm? It’s all an illusion
The burning hatred, and all the lust
Too much spent on emotion

In a room full of madness
I seem so lost, so often
Searching desperately for sanity
Weeping incessantly for the loss

Oh no, the tears shed
Oh no, the emotions felt
And all the anguish, all the pain
All the despair, loss, the hatred

Yet with these chocolate brown eyes
With tears still staining the lashes
With the pain still being felt
I look to you and I feel calm

For every piece of soul lost
From you, I receive a lot
For every second of hurt felt
From you, a ray of happiness comes

For every breath I take
Comes gratitude for yours
For every smile that lights this face
Comes for you devotion strong

For all the madness I have
There is that calm smile of yours
For all the stinging I feel
Oh, there you are mending my soul

The crazy mess that I am
The pure, serene bliss that you are
We fit like fingers entwined
Never let go, never ever let go.

After All This

And yet after all this

I find the strength to pray

I find it in me to love

Beyond measures, beyond words

After all this, you remain to be

All in one piece, yet all broken

Carefully placed in my hands

Hands that bleed and weep.

After all this, you breathe

Making me believe in God

For only he is capable

Only he could’ve made you.

So perfect, so pristine, so divine

Bringing fragrances wild

Bring madness, bringing quiet

All at once, all for me.

And yet after all this, I find love

Of immense proportions, seamless as it may

I find it in me to love

Beyond measures, beyond words.

STALKER

STALKER

The day had traveled from a blistering afternoon to a sepia twilight. The western sky was red, with orange clouds of various sizes and shapes. While the sun was saying goodbye to the western hemisphere, he saw her sitting in the park and admiring the sunset. He felt a shiver going down his spine as he thought of the things he wanted to do to her. He was standing behind a tree. clad in a black overcoat. The collars were high up to hide his face. His hair was coal black and finely gelled and well set except for a lock of hair which constantly fell on his eyes. His skin was such a contrast to his hair. It was pale, nay, ashen! It was hard to say whether he really was pale or was it fear of getting caught. But, right now, he was a ghostly white. His eyes looked intently at her. They were a fiery shade of grey. Intense. he blinked only few times. His right hand was on the tree and the left held a black hat. It was all very picturesque of course!

He saw that she was wearing a beautiful floral skirt. It was beige and had lilies on them. Oh, how he hated lilies! She had a slender demeanor to her. He liked that in a woman. His mouth salivated instinctively at the thought. She also had a clear skin, twinkling eyes and a dimple on one side. He knew her body, her geography too well. He thought how he had spent days getting over how ‘full’ her body looked and yet how slender. He was clearly obsessed. He was obsessing and that’s when she got up to leave.

She walked gaily across the park and out. As if breaking away from the perfect picture, a perfect statue, he started to follow her. He looked at her from top to bottom and marveled at her build. She turned a corner onto a dark alley. He smiled and thought ‘how foolish’, put his hat on, low, almost covering his eyes, and entered into the alley.

He saw her body tense suddenly and he grunted his exasperation, his satisfaction at the reaction. He ran his tongue over his lips and felt the familiar chill creep in. He tasted the tension, the fear in the air and smacked his lips in anticipation. He then saw her tiptoeing as afast as she could and probably cursing those wretched heels. He imagined her heart beating fast and derived great pleasure out of that thought. He hurried toward her and now was only a ten paces away. He walked faster, went close to her and ran his cold finger on her half covered spine. Half covered by clothes. Half, naked. Vulnerable.. She cried out in fear. It was useless. There wasn’t going to be anybody in this alley at this time.

It

But surprisingly he went ahead of her. Looked back slightly. All she could see were his cold, grey eyes, his pale skin and a wicked smile. He saw her pupils dilate, eclipsing the emerald of her eyes and her red, full lips part in fear to suck in the elixir of life, to suck in a little air. It looked like somebody had kicked her in the stomach and deprived her of air.

He then hurried and left the alley. she came dashing, out. her eyes were searching for him but couldn’t find him. she moved to her right and then left on the street. Emboldened by the people on the street and the lights, but there was no trace of him.

He was looking at all this from behind a car. His face devoid of expression. Then animatedly he smiled. He thought of how she will not be able to sleep well at night. How she will flinch to turn in to a street, lit a wee bit dimmer than usual. How she will step back at the sight of a black overcoat. How she will never fall in love with a man with grey eyes. How she will never kiss, never touch skin that pale. He felt desire course through his body like wild fire but he controlled it.

For him, her turning back repeatedly and checking for a pale man in a dark coat for the rest of her life, her fear, her damaged soul, was enough. For him, that was the definition of pleasure.

With a smile on his face, his face turning a shade darker, he turned and left. But he left fear. He left an embodiment of Pure Fear!

-RUDRATEJ PATIL

1-06-14!