“Don’t touch me”, she shouted, at the top of her lungs. Her voice had a coarse delicacy to it. Her shreak a cruel long call of desperation. He was standing right in front of her. Amusing, she thought because he was smiling. Still his smile had a touch of sincerity. He shook his head lightly and said, “Babe, its just me. Its me.”
“DON’T TOUCH ME.” Again that sound, sound which can be considered akin to a mother’s shreak when she sees her child in danger. She was beginning to regret it all. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know how to wake up. And she only hoped that he’d go away!
Then she shook and felt that fearsome feeling of falling endlessly into a void and to her utter surprise, she smiled. Smiled a desperate, helpless smile. A smile which can only be smiled by the one who in the midst of a crying burst realises that she looks heartbreakingly beautiful even while crying but her soul is the color of a raven. A smothered raven, nevertheless.
She woke up. Finally. And her pupils which were eclipsing her emerald green eyes, suddenly contracted. She closed her eyes shut and opened her eyes as fast as she’d closed them. For fear that the images might return. As she adjusted to the surroundings, she saw him. Sitting on the edge of the bed. Scared. She smiled, inwardly, she thought, how apt!
He then stood and walked to her and leaned in to kiss her. His lips felt familiarly moist and smelled of cigarettes. She shuddered at the touch but finally gave in. It only lasted few moments and thankfully. She couldn’t handle anymore. Sadness of life, she thought, was that they had reached a place where nothing need be said. He knew too though, that this was the end.
He got up to leave. Only wishing he had something to say. But there wasn’t any. It was like this between them for quite a while now. And he knew why. He knew, that she never loved him the most. There was always a space between them. A tiny creak in the floorboard that they naively called a relationship. He knew that she’ll always love that other man in her life which he could never fathom to replace. Coming back from his thoughts, he remembered that he had to leave. For both their good. He saw that she was crying uncontrollably and still he left.
After he left, she knew she had lost too much now. She had given up too much waiting for someone who won’t come back. Now she had lost another person and she was done. Done for a lifetime.
She knew what had to be done.
Now she smiled another smile. She got up and wiped away her tears. Her cheeks hurt, from excessive wiping. But now she smiled. A smile inspired purely by revenge. For the first time, she understood the meaning of the word ‘pure. She took her keys and made a phone call. She now headed for a rendezvous with her past. Tears spilled and took disarrayed course on her face. A face lit up by a feral smile. She knew she could do this.
Amidst sirens and people shouting, they found her with a man. Dead. His white linen shirted chest a beautiful red. Her past now, dead. While her fair face was white, her life draining out of her through a slashed wrist and meeting his through a stab in his heart.
She found closure. She sighed and let go.
-Rudratej Patil, 31-03-14.